I am not adjusting to the real world very well today. My head feels like its got water in it, my ears feel like they are blocked up, my body is broken, shaky and achy. I’m struggling to type this and I can’t really read it because i keep crying… The glasto come down gets harder every year. The kids too, they miss their friends, the music, and the universal love…
Category Archives: music
By the Full Blue Moon I had begun to heal physically & emotionally. 8 weeks on, it was now time to climb out of the hole.
Grateful for the experience of it all – the emotions, the lessons, the growth, the empathy for others, the insight – I was now ready to come back to me…
As I looked back and remembered the enlightened moments I had on the door step, the sounds of Orbitals Belfast ranging in my ears. I looked up to the sky, then looked to my phones flight radar app. She was off – my best friend was off to start a new life
For the next few weeks I sunk into another deep depression, I had never experienced such lows before and it was scary. I just couldn’t pull myself out of it. I felt abandoned by closes friends and disappointed by family members – and I closed the door on the world. No one really knew what I was going through other than my husband and my best friend.
All I remember for the next few days was sinking somewhere I had never been before.
My mom had to take 3 days off work and come help – Harry’s work was stacking up and the pressure was on – and it was fucking annoying I couldn’t do anything – physically or emotionally.
I hurt, I really hurt. I was unable to get myself out of bed without Harry lifting me gently and me wincing with pain – I was simply unable to do anything!
After years of meditation I naturally take very long deep breaths, but at this point I was unable to breathe anything more than 1-2 seconds before the pain kicked in! It was a horrid feeling and this was sort of getting me down and on top of that the kids wanted cuddles and I couldn’t give them because it just bloody hurt so much.
ok… SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO much has happened since september
I have 3 blogs about after the attack… but it was sort of painful to post them… they’re half written – (well semi finished)
But I just had to move on from it – so didn’t want to go back there – HOWEVER now I am ready to share –
Lots of emails asking when I was going to finish off the story – sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger
However – watch this space – they are coming 🙂
In the mean time have some music, celebrate the winter sun… and be thankful
Love and light to you all
When I got home I was overcome with exhaustion. I felt really guilty because I didn’t understand why I was so tired. I had to leave Harry to sort the kids and prop myself up on the sofa in another room away from the noise and chaos.
I was cold and emotionally just felt a bit numb. Again, I couldn’t quite get my head round why I was feeling like this – it’s not like I was stabbed or anything… it’s just a few cracked ribs. I just didn’t think it was a big deal. Continue reading
This weekend we headed over to our friends house in the New Forest for a party and gathering of our gang – there’s a few more babies since we all last got together 2 extra bundles of joy in the past 3 months!
I am blessed with the most awesomeness amount of friends in all parts of my life – this gang is my party hard gang. Over 10 years of festivals, raving and house parties with these guys and no amount of children has changed that! in most of my blogs I go on about how much I love them all – and i do – they are what i live for
This weekend I had an epiphany! Half giddy with love of the reunion of my soul family friends and half giddy with the rum and apple juice cocktails I’d just discovered (not too much apple BTW – If you’re wondering!)
This morning I had a ‘moment’ when I went out of the office for a walk and everyone I passed smiled back at me. As the rain started, the huge drops hit my face and I felt this huge release, like the rain was washing away the self-doubt that had begun to set into my mind over the past few days.