This is a guest post from one of my long time friends Bec… she called me the other day to tell me what she had been up to, I laughed so hard that i asked her to guest post… here is her story:
So this weekend has been eventful!
I was accused by the neighbour talking about her in my back garden and had the police called on me.
Serious crime I know – stand aside murderers, gangs and drug pushers! ….
And on this beautiful Sunday, I am conscious that the weight of my love carry’s a deep awareness of a very high price… Pain.
‘The knowing’ that one day, at the end of the journey there will always be an element of grief and loss -A risk I take just so I can touch the center of the universe & experience all that is.
(6 months on from the last blog post – January 2013)
After amazing cuddle with my family, I opened the curtains and there was the best sight ever! A bright blue Sunday sky and a golden orb of Winter sun ! So utterly refreshing. This was going to be a special day
The sun shines on everything and brings the most welcome sense of release. I put on this track loud and dance round the house in my PJS as we cook breakfast.
I was light I had spread my wings. I was ready to fly.
By the Full Blue Moon I had begun to heal physically & emotionally. 8 weeks on, it was now time to climb out of the hole.
Grateful for the experience of it all – the emotions, the lessons, the growth, the empathy for others, the insight – I was now ready to come back to me…
As I looked back and remembered the enlightened moments I had on the door step, the sounds of Orbitals Belfast ranging in my ears. I looked up to the sky, then looked to my phones flight radar app. She was off – my best friend was off to start a new life
For the next few weeks I sunk into another deep depression, I had never experienced such lows before and it was scary. I just couldn’t pull myself out of it. I felt abandoned by closes friends and disappointed by family members – and I closed the door on the world. No one really knew what I was going through other than my husband and my best friend.
All I remember for the next few days was sinking somewhere I had never been before.
My mom had to take 3 days off work and come help – Harry’s work was stacking up and the pressure was on – and it was fucking annoying I couldn’t do anything – physically or emotionally.
I hurt, I really hurt. I was unable to get myself out of bed without Harry lifting me gently and me wincing with pain – I was simply unable to do anything!
After years of meditation I naturally take very long deep breaths, but at this point I was unable to breathe anything more than 1-2 seconds before the pain kicked in! It was a horrid feeling and this was sort of getting me down and on top of that the kids wanted cuddles and I couldn’t give them because it just bloody hurt so much.
ok… SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO much has happened since september
I have 3 blogs about after the attack… but it was sort of painful to post them… they’re half written – (well semi finished)
But I just had to move on from it – so didn’t want to go back there – HOWEVER now I am ready to share –
Lots of emails asking when I was going to finish off the story – sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger
However – watch this space – they are coming 🙂
In the mean time have some music, celebrate the winter sun… and be thankful
Love and light to you all
This is the soundtrack that was playing in my head just after the drama unfolded
Now, normally when I don’t blog, it’s because I’m having such a good time I just can’t fit it in…. or get over excited half write a blog and then … ooh look a squirrel! (hence the 20 odd half written blogs you’re yet to see)
I wanna keep this as short as possible because I think I’m going to write a few short blogs in regards to the roller coaster these past couple of month have been…
All I was doing was waiting outside the shop for my husband!!
Had a lovely moment this morning. I was thinking I needed a bit of guidance as I was feeling unfocused and that always stirs an attack of the guilts! So I consulted my cards! (it’s the inner hippy in me!!) I was drawn to changing the music and let go of all my materialistic work related goals for the moment…
I put on an old playlist, and on pops Ella Fitzgerald – Someone To Watch Over Me. I smiled and though ‘yes I just need a sign that someone is watching over me, helping to guide me on my decisions for today’. I tuned it up, feeling comforted by this lovely old song I found myself walking towards the window. Just that second my little Robin friend flew into the garden. I havent seen him for a month or so, and today he put on a real display ensuring I knew he was there… and once again I was brought to tears as the lyrics echoed in my heart
I know this hippy dippy gushy blog wont resonate with most… BUT for a few I know you’ll get it!
“Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?”
“I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood, I know I could, always be good, To one who’ll watch over me”