I’ve become one of them…

…. one of those moms who thinks their daughter should be singed up to Mensa or something!  ” Darrrling, the new substandard school is holding my daughter back! *she moans in overly posh Buckinghamshire accent and a jokey roll of the eyes*

Connies  first school report came back yesterday, and its great… but its a copy and paste jobby nothing too personal  and as far as I can see she’s not made much progress from when she was 3 years old apart from learn some new words and how to get an attitude of a 14 year old!

 The weird thing is, I belive that YES education is massively important and YES it helps to be bright  BUT  I know it’s the ones who don’t get the A’s, the ones who get expelled  and ditch the GSCE’s for another opportunity who  break the the restrictive  box / rat race / the  boring path that school is designed to set in place. I don’t want my kids to feel that if they don’t make grammar school their life is over…  so why am i being like this??

Since Connie went to school in September we’ve felt that they’ve not seen her true potential and not given her a chance to progress  at all. What annoyed me the most is they didn’t even know she could read before she started school and it took me to being ‘one of those parents’ to finally say something’:

 Parents evening – December 2010

Teacher: Connie is learning to blend her words this term’
Me ‘ um,  you know she can already read don’t you’
My HEAD:  Connie has been blending her words since she was 2 and a half.. she can read  for fucks sake  she’s been in your class for 3 months, how can you not know that??!!!

Teacher: Oh, really well maybe I’ll have her sit down with me and we’ll see if she can’
Me: Yes that would be good, thank you’
My HEAD:  Erm, was it me or was that patronising –  I am not one of ‘those moms’  she really CAN read you know!

Teacher :  Connie has been learning numbers and she can now count up to 20.
me: *Through gritted teeth * Connie has done that since she was 3 and actually can count up to 100, and yesterday surprised me by counting backwards FROM 100!
Teacher: Really, *in a very surprised way*
My Head: she thinks I’m one of those moms, I should drop this now,  does it really matter, she’s only 4…  Ugh I don’t know, am I failing her being laid back about this? 

 1 week later we get her first reading book – So that was worth the push… only 3 months too late mind!!

I have to admit,  Bon Bons teachers are actually lovely, warm, caring  and do what they have to do within their large class of 30, small budgets and confinements of a governed box!

 I know we were spoiled by the amazing attentiveness of  Connie’s pre school  (Wise Owl Montessori)  where she went from 2 years old . From the moment she started  they saw Connie loved learning and right away they had her doing her letters. By 2 and half they had her reading words.  She really genuinely loved it – we never pushed her and I’ve never really had to teach her anything, she sort of teaches herself. Before she was 3 we found she’d written her name on her blackboard, I thought she’d learnt it at pre-school, but it turned out they had never taught her that, she just did it on her own.



Now we are past the basics of reading and writing, I have the fear that it’s up to me to teach her!!! Can someone pass the Gin now please! The thing is,  I can hardly spell  so how am I ever going to teach her anything? At 4 years old she’s brighter than me already!

I’m thinking private school… because I’m  fearful I can’t give her what she wants and hate the fact that her school is going to try to keep her average  and I don’t want her to be ‘average’.  But then again I don’t want her to be an A grade square box whose only ambition in life is to ‘get a good job’ either … And let’s be honest, I like driving nice cars – private school will put an end to that… *sigh*

umm i’m mixed up hu!


About Having Cake And Eating It

Playful, Carefree, Radio Presenter, Entrepreneur, Mentor, Music & Festival LOVER, Hypocritical Hippy, Reiki Master, Sweary Dyslexic Blogger, Crazy Mum & Wife) View all posts by Having Cake And Eating It

9 responses to “I’ve become one of them…

  • jane wingrove

    Lou get her in private you wont be happy till you dox

  • Having Cake And Eating It

    ha ha Jane I just read that as I’m watching top gear and drooling over the new range rover ;o) school / cars / school / cars – kidding!!

    all honesty – the problem with private school is the little twats that go there – and this is truly my worry – she would be the kid without the swimming pool and she’d could turn into ones of those shit bags that demand to wear the £100 limited edition lelly kelly shoes!

    Also, have to bear in mind that we both run our own business – what happened if it all goes tits up? I had to be pulled out of private school when my dad couldn’t pay the fee’s and moving school is a real pain in the ass socially.

    I bloody love our school. I love the people, the kids, I LOVE our class and our mums and the security of knowing everyone – i just have no idea about the education I feel that I’ve been laid back about it and then worry that I’m letting her down somehow.

  • charliesaidthat

    In my (albeit biased) experience, I don’t think private school is any different except they lower the hoops by teaching kids how to pass exams. How to pass exams, not pushing them to be smarter… pushing them to make the school look better (*ahem* biased much? yup)

    I’d go as far to say if you have a bright kiddo they will be smart enough to keep on learning themselves, irrespective of what goes on in schools. The best thing you can do is carry on encouraging that inquisitive mind of theirs and help them understand how they learn.

    I could do my 7 and 8 times tables before I started school – not a big deal… but they were still teaching that in years 4&5.

    * These are my two pennies – I’m a cynical guy who has no kids and thinks education is broken. Take with a liberal pinch of salt. 😉

    • Having Cake And Eating It

      Charlie – what a clever kid you were AND you have a point there, that’s very much how my school was , however I am very swayed by crown house in High Wycombe lots of friends go there and swear by the education system, i was very impressed at their teaching, they teach you to learn and not to pass exams -and they are in the top 100- However You’re the type of ‘break free of the mould’ kid I want Connie to be, I don’t want her to strive to work for the fat cats it the city, I want her to think out the box, and live life – no A* is going to get her there. – I also want her to be a rock star 😉 GLASTO PRYAMID STAGE HERE WE COME 😉

  • Diane

    It will be completely different next year… Next teacher is absolutely wonderful & the tranisition from reception to yr1 is huge. Don’t give up yet. They are such babies – 7 yrs is when it all kicks off! Xx

  • Having Cake And Eating It

    thanks Diane, I suppose my fear is -if they don’t have the recourses to teach her in that lovely 1-2-1 way that pre school did then It’ll be down to me.. And I dont think I’m cut out for it – i love our relationship as it is, i dont want to be her teacher of maths and English, she already thinks she knows best – i don’t want her to prove it ;o)

    Lucy is bright as a button, i remember her getting her letters when she was a tiddly wise owl tot and I know Tow was quick to read – again wise owl doing what they do best.. can i send connie to you when you’re doing lucys lessons ;o)

  • Catherine

    She sounds great! My thoughts – school is about so much more than just the three Rs. It’s about learning to listen, to communicate, to appreciate diversity and other people’s experience, and to learn that children and people have all manner of skills and qualities we should value. Just being Very Clever and getting into the right secondary / university is only part of it. You wouldn’t just employ very clever people would you – you need creative people with empathy, who can respect you and think independently and work alongside others. Hothouse her if you want her to be clever at the expense of other qualities, but surely you want to nurture her natural inquisitiveness and imagination rather than churn out someone who thinks she knows it all because she is top
    of the class. Lot of independent school kids are flummoxed when they reach higher ed and need to think for themselves and understand complex arguments where there is no simple right or wrong answer. And I say this as someone who knew it all and came top in everything – but at the expense of social skills which I had to learn rather later in life – and it was painful!

  • Having Cake And Eating It

    Catherine, – my blog was exactly about that, about how I feel school really isn’t the be all and end all – how i KNOW a*s don’t mean narda – and the fact I WANT her to break the mould and not follow the rat race, I want her to do so much more than be bright – BUT it’s the pull you have – friends telling you that you should put their education first, and my deepest fears that she could end up like me – struggling at school if she’s not taught in the right way, sort of being used to being good and then becoming lazy and then falling behind and loosing self esteem… but as a parent you do carry guilt, am I doing the best by her? is my decision right? if she’s bright should I be catering for that? will she gets what she needs? Etc etc
    I wasn’t bright, I’m not bright – I was the class clown to get out of being asked questions because the sort of teaching i needed wasn’t on offer – I excelled in anything as long as the teacher had time for me to just go through it one more time – but that was rarly on offer at school, so I just fell behind – my self esteem was very low and it wasn’t until i escaped the education system that i realised my true potential
    I can only be guided by my own experiances – and thats the tough bit of being a parent, because more often than not… our kids are very different to who we are

  • jane wingrove

    Lou it is really hard …I went to private school and so did you (neither you nor I are twats)!….If you want the best value from it spend the money from 7yrs till 12 that is when most children learn to study and can take those skills on somewhere else. For the record if i could afford it I would do it laike a shot …no second thoughts. Whats not to argue about smaller class sizes, generally better facilities and more 1-2-1 time? jx

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