I know it’s just a little anaesthetic, it’s no big deal, there’s no operation to worry about so why am still stood here worried sick. We all walked over to the other side of the hospital to meet the anesthetist , Connie in her little hospital gown, knickers poking out and pink sandles on, holding her daddy’s hand – she looks so small next to him, yet so grown up.
It all feels too precious. What if she reacts badly to the General anaesthetic, what if I actually lose her?
I have a massive awareness that nothing in this world is permanent, everything changes, everything lives and everything dies, expect the unexpected. It’s probably morbid to most people me thinking like that, but I feel that having an awareness makes you so much more grateful, and gives you a heightened and better quality of life.
So we are sat here waiting for the Nurse to call us back ….I’m grateful for having this blog to distract me so I can remember how I feel and always look back to remember how precious life is
Ok so after I wrote that last bit, I went back to get Connie from recovery. She was just coming round on the nurses lap in. I scooped her up and the Nurse told me to lie on the bed with her while they pushed us back to the ward . She clung so tight, vulnerable, still pretty out of it, I could smell and see the blood oozing out of her ear.
As they pushed us back I had flash backs of when she was born, they lay her in my arms and took that very route we were taking, however back then she was half the size of my arm, and now nearly 5 years on she’s half the size of me!! It was surreal to realise what had passed in that time. so much, so fast.
When she came round on the ward she stared into space getting her head together, then the first thing she said was… ‘mummy I love you’ . I LOVE THAT CHILD!
Within the hour she was bouncing round the ward like nothing had happened, playing and picking up a very excited Baby Bell .
We were checked out and in pizza hut by 2pm (Connie doesn’t like pizza, but me and Harry scoffed half the buffet!!)
All in all an emotional rollercoaster of a day, I have walked away thinking about the mums who have to go through the serious stuff, my heart breaks at what other kids go through and incredible admiration goes out to the parents that just keep going no matter what.
In my thoughts today was Ruby Lambert – She’s the daughter of the amazing Catherine Newell, a Buddhist Studies scholar and Simon Lambert, a primary school teacher. Have a read of their story http://www.one4ruby.com/rubys-story/about/