Well, today i had a 5 minute meltdown at about 5pm! I officially fell off my positive perch!
It doesn’t happen very often these days I am proud to say. Over the years I’ve learnt to acknowledge those evil feelings that can creep up inside, way before they turn into a fire cracker of problems. I can normally bring my awareness to the potential rocky path ahead when I start feeling ‘the blame function’ set in… by this I mean, something triggers a negative feeling, then it leads to a string of problems and then panic sets in and then you start to blame whoever for all the problems (I say whoever but we all know Harry is the one who cops it in my case)
if I get to the blame feeling I know I have to do a quick U’y! this short sharp manoeuver is set into motion by a number of ways. if I am on my own in my own head I pivot all the negative thoughts very quickly and think about how lucky I am, but it if it’s a need to pacify an awkward argument or ‘I hate you right now scenario” we generally conjure up a cheeky grin followed by a choice of 1 or 2 options below:
1)walking into the room sticking out tong and walking out again( or giving a wet willy in the ear)
2) flash the middle finger (or boobs)and say something along the lines of ” you’re a fuckwit and you love old grannys pants (or something along those lines)
3) saying the C word.. ( it’s always a shock and quite funny to say it out loud – not in font of the kids though!)
4)Pulling out the smily paint.. (yea its annoying but it does work!!)
5) partaking in a physical fight of some sort , wrestling on the bed, pillow fight or generally pushing each other around ( although this sort of play, if still slightly grumpy can end in tears!)
Now if my emotions are not pacified than i fall off the perch, i feel life is spinning out of control and I’m going to drop the millions of balls i am juggling.
So this evening trigger pattern started with a single thought as i was getting the kids into the car – ‘I need to find some capital to invest in the 2 new business that are growing into mammoth size commitments’. THEN Bon Bon had a meltdown because she was cold and exhausted after football, THEN Baby Bell cried all the way home in the car. THEN no one would let me out at the junction so i started manifesting these ‘Grrr angry thoughts’ like oi you fuckers i have a screaming baby in the back why wont you let me out. THEN I started thinking about all the work I needed to do, and THEN being cross led me to thinking that Harry hasn’t done my websites yet even though he’s been promising me for months and THEN i couldn’t get the car seat out….. WHEN i got inside the house, I saw Harry and in a pitiful teary way I said ‘I feel like I’ve just fell off my positive perch in a 5 minute car journey . He was really sweet and said ‘hey you’ve been amazing today you’ve helped me out I’ll help you this evening… and THEN I TUNED INTO MEGGA BLAME BITCH FROM HELL… bla bla bla my websites… bla bla bla.. my website.. Harry very calmly just carried on doing dinner while I stormed off and sat on the front step in the freezing cold crying… Simba my boy cat came to comfort me and the bitter north winds soon sent me inside! Inside i had to acknowledged to harry that Id just been a bit of a twat, and soon started to feel like normality was on the horizon
We put the kids to bed at 6.30 and Bon Bon read the whole of Fat Cat on the Mat, it was fab and she even read words like ‘catch and hatch on her own’ we were so proud . by 7pm, still feeling a bit frazzled sat at my desk and opened up an email from bezzy friend sandy . I watched the video and sat rawing my head off with laughter , I felt 1 billion times better. It was the final link to climatising me after shooting off planet earth earlier!
so here’ s the link that sorted me out at the end off my crazy journey! – the elves are me and harry, sandy and her man
happy to say I’m back tweeting on my positive perch!
Finally – MEMORY TO REMEMBER – Hearing Bon Bon sing herself to sleep. I had totally forgotten that for 2 years she used to do this every night, but recently she’s not done it, i suppose she’s conscious of waking Baby Bell.
I wanted to write it down because I never want to forget it again.. it’s just toooo cute!